?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Some facts about my life right now   
02:03am 10/05/2008
  1. I'm not sleeping. I'm sure I could be but I'm not. I'm looking through old LiveJournal entries instead. I'm also not reading the Salman Rushdie novel I set out to read instead of sleep, which makes me wonder if something's wrong.

2. I used to like LiveJournal. What ever happened to high school, anyway?

3. David Gladden is dead. I don't know this for a fact, but I used to have this game I played on myspace, well thats besides the point, the point is he's dead, at least to the internet.

4. I don't know why I cared enough about David Gladden's death to mention it.

5. I hope his mom's ok.

6. This really attractive guy I know just told me he was giving up on women and asked me if I would be gay with him. This lasted about 5 seconds before he realized I'm female. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

7. I have to be at work at 10:15 tomorrow. I wonder if a haunted house is a legitimate excuse for missing work. I like to make up ghosts. The truth is when I lived in an actual haunted house I was never late for work.

8. I text message broke-up with Derek on Thursday. I miss Michael. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a serious relationship or if I just want to send someone the romantic robot card I saw at CVS today.

9. I'm thinking of building a robot out of tinfoil and boxes. It's on my to do list.

9 1/2. I like robots.

10. I should have stayed at Folly tonight, then at least I could hear the sound of the ocean instead of the air conditioner while I type this. I probably didn't have enough gas to make it though.

11. Mew mew mew

12. Where is everybody?

13. Facebook gets less and less entertaining the later at night it gets. Oh shit, am I allowed to mention Facebook on LJ?

14. I wonder how long I can do this.

15. I was reading past LJ entries. I like myself. I like who I used to be, too. That's good.

16. This is awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mJAsgIIfNM

17. I want to be abducted by Old Gregg.

18. Okay, okay, I really wanted to work on McBuck. Like, really. Don't tell anyone.

19. Agma, Equity, Iatse, oh my!

20. 42
 
     

(1 scream loud | scream sayonara)

 
Hands Clean   
11:00pm 26/11/2007
  theredsnymph1289 (5:53:31 PM): One: you can't even be his friend.

theredsnymph1289 (5:53:52 PM): Two: He's not good for you. You're happy momentarily and then it makes you feel shxtty all over again.

theredsnymph1289 (5:53:58 PM): Three: He doesn't even care about himself

theredsnymph1289 (5:54:13 PM): Four: You have to hide your relationship in order not to ruin your professional career

theredsnymph1289 (5:54:37 PM): Five: You're too good for him. He doesn't try enough, and when he does it's a desperate last attempt. Why can't he always try so hard?

theredsnymph1289 (5:54:56 PM): I'm going to skip to ten, because I feel like you're getting it
theredsnymph1289 (5:55:03 PM): Ten: Your best friend doesn't like him.
 
     

(scream sayonara)

 
   
09:20pm 01/07/2007
  I'm feeling kind of angsty so I thought I'd hit up the LJ. I should be studying for a test tomorrow, but I'm pretty down from having to leave Snellville today. I can't go back until after August 1st. I'm burnt out, really. I had such a good time this weekend, and I just want to not be so miserable all the time; be close to the people I love and maybe even sometimes do the things that I want.
I am very unsatisfied at the moment.
Facebook photos can sometimes be permanent records of abandoned friendships. Does anyone ever wonder why there are six photos of Jenny and I, but we aren't even friends on Facebook? There aer so many pictures of me on that site looking happy next to someone who essentially won't even admit that they've met me in the loosest capacity: Amanda, Jenny, Laurel, Michael...
Speaking of Michael, I yelled at him last night. I'm not sure if I feel bad about that. I've never had someone be so rude to me as the last time we spoke on the phone; as the last time he called me. He shouldn't be the least bit surprised that I wasn't interested in hearing what he has to say.
Really, I just wanted to have one good night.
And I did. I really did.
I've been taking the hours of intoxicated fun as is, and thinking about Mr. Justin Hart. Here's the story as far as I understand it: He called me up to hang out around 4 and I didn't answer, as always. I call him back but he's driving or doing something. He ends up going to a bar and the bartender takes his credit card and he has to wait 15 mins before he can leave. Then he comes home with a group of people he met at the bar, and tries to walk to Dario's house, but goes the wrong direction. Sometime during the walk, Nikki drives by all of them with us, and tells them that they're going to wrong way. They all go back to Justin's house and we go to wal-mart and then back to Dario's. After a while Nikki me off at Justin's and he's standing in the front yard? He says he needs to go to the store and tells me to wait in the car. I wait in the car and watch every person he was with leave. He calls me from inside to tell me he's coming and I go in instead of waiting, and he doesn't end up going to the store. What the fuck? That has to be the shadiest situation ever.
Anyway, he might be my boyfriend, now. I don't know. He was talking a lot, last night. He dropped the L-bomb, and was talking about how he doesn't feel the way he feels about me about any other girl. Honey, that's a lot of talk for a pillow.
He said back in the day that he doesn't do time limits, and then another sentence with the word "boyfriend" in it. I didn't talk to him for a while after he said that word. In retrospect, though, I think that's definitely what he was talking about last night. I might just ask. I think I'm also going to ask what actually happened last night.
 
     

(4 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
what i leave   
10:18pm 14/05/2007
  theredsnymph1289: He was saying that you guys were getting engaged when you were talking to the cops
theredsnymph1289: And about how he's was gonna run them over for hitting on you. lol

micro x sheep: i was just wondering if youd mind calling
nocturnewr: everything okay?
micro x sheep: im just
micro x sheep: im kind of freaking out i think
nocturnewr: about what? what's wrong?
micro x sheep: id just feel better if i talked to you

theredsnymph1289: How'd last night go?
micro x sheep: um bad
micro x sheep: and weird

micro x sheep: so i'm lying there and every single music video is beyonce
micro x sheep: and im like ok this is def. creepy and i need to get out of here

micro x sheep: and he comes down and is like i was just fixing a fan, im back and im leaving so he walks me out to his car and he's talking like how i have to do what my heart tells me and im safe there
micro x sheep: and im like im not going to sleep with someone i met yesterday
theredsnymph1289: Oh, shxt.
theredsnymph1289: What happened after that?
micro x sheep: i left

micro x sheep: i mean it's all kind of blurry
micro x sheep: the only thing i was sure of when i left was that i dont like him and that i should probably stay away from

micro x sheep: there was this voice inside that was screaming and pleading and there was nothing i could do about it

micro x sheep: i feel like im stuck
SubFenixTX: stuck?
micro x sheep: and that my life is completely beyond my control and no matter what i do everything just keeps getting worse and i cant handle it
SubFenixTX: how can I help?

nocturnewr: it's weird that you're talking to him while he's next to me...
micro x sheep: yeah thats weird
nocturnewr: did you ask him to go in the other room?

micro x sheep: and thats another thing he said
micro x sheep: bla bla bla but i don't do time limits, baby. something something your boyfriends
micro x sheep: boyfriend*
micro x sheep: and i was like woah, who said anything about that?
theredsnymph1289: Wait, what?
 
     

(scream sayonara)

 
   
05:14am 05/05/2007
  I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down,
You'd think I'd ought to be used to that by now.
Save for a few of those late night episodes,
Missed opportunities, and "I Don't Cares,"
There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about.

This may sound bad, don't take it the wrong way..
I love you, however . . .

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom
How will I break the news to you?

we'll talk it over after i've had some time alone to sort it out

you hold me down.
You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..Collapse )
 
     

(2 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
   
07:09pm 18/04/2007
  So today a horse tried to lift up my skirt. It was down past my knees, but he just decided to grab it with his mouth and lift. It made me giggle but I made sure to tell him it was unnecessary.
Mom tells me she hasn't seen me this happy since before I started college. I am happy. It's good to feel that way before finals start.
The run of my show will end this weekend and that will make me very sad. I'm going to miss those people, mostly the girls. Luckily there's a killer cast party between now and the . . . uh, strike party. *^_^*
After an incredibly awkward opening night reception and a four and a half hour phone conversation Michael are back doing whatever it is we do. You may not believe me when I say everything's changed (I personally don't believe people change in a short period of time and without a lot of work) but everything's different. It's not just him, it's me, too. I've never seen anything like it, but I understand the fundamental difference between the two of us, now. That makes everything so much easier.
My roomies and I found a nice house to live in next semester. Nothing's fo sho yet, but it’s no that far away, not that expensive and has this pond in the back that has a dock and is great for fishing. If we move there we're going to have awesome bonfire parties, and Emerson can run around outside as much as he wants!
Registration's a bitch. I'm adding a second major which requires me to apply to Grady, so this summer I have to finish up prereqs, which wouldn't be a thing at all if I hadn't already had a full load. Now I'll be doing a maymester in costa rica with creative writing, then I'll be coming back and having Spanish class every weekday from 8:30 am to 9:00pm. All the while I'll have to be doing a socioligy distance learning.
Then there's fall semester. I'm running out of English courses. Grady can only guarantee me 2 classes a semester, so I can either drop down to part time student eventually or run out of hope hours and pay tuition myself for classes I don't need to be taking. Bla.
The animals are great. Em's feeling better, Aragorn's actually coming out from under the bed, and Pen^2's dealing. Thats a success story if I've ever heard one.
 
     

(scream sayonara)

 
one or two of the GOOD things that i remember   
08:00pm 24/02/2007
 
Josh:
every second in that cabin in the mountains
him holding my hand for the first time and then pretending he didn't
trying to stay up as long as possible (even though i had class the next morning) cause he couldn't spend the night
quoting church signs
telling my mom we were going to to breakfast and then going back to the household and crashing
my driveway the night before i left for new york
"you're so fucking cute. i love you so damn much"

Lionel:
talking all night after my fight with david and how he called into work the next morning
the first time he bit me
"if we go down, we go down together!"
the night of feb. 13th
ice kisses

David:
standing next to each other, too shy to talk to each other before psych class after we'd spent 3 hours on the phone the night before
"smile if you want to sleep with me"
gay pride
him taking care of me when i had the flu
the rose on my doorstep
the emo kid shirt

Will:
can't hardly wait
being the emo kids in pizza cafe
sliding under the garage door to break into his house that day i was off from school
the last line of the further seems forever cd
parkview battle of the bands and that drumstick...

Matt:
picture day freshman year
telling him he was cute and fearing for my life as he almost drove off the road
prom
walking home with a stuffed bunny bigger than me
the first time i ever saw fight club
him trying to get up the courage to kiss me for the first time
that surprise balloon on valentines day
 
     

(scream sayonara)

 
a heap of broken feelings   
05:04pm 19/02/2007
  chO-K. This is what's going on: I'm not writing an essay for English. In fact, I'm wasting time until auditions for Play it Again, Sam in an hour. (Well...two hours for everyone else.)
This past month has been pretty tough for everyone, some more than others. I hope everyone is in the process of recovering.
This semester is going okay. I have 3k, which I hate and African American poetry, which I adore, so half of the time I think about changing my major and the other half I think about never graduating. I just decorated my new room, and it's awesome. I'm not finished, but I'm very happy. For those of you who don't know one of my roommates got a new bird that is so loud it caused homicidal dreams, that is, when it let me sleep, so I moved to a further room. My other roommate also got birds and a snake. That brings our household total to two cats, four birds, a snake, two millepedes, and a scorpion. w00t.
My parents adopted a cat, Tyger, and we found out today he has herpes in his eye. Poor baby. He's the sweetest thing. I can't wait to go to Snellville and see him for the first time in a household setting.
Male-wise my life is good, no herpes there. Currently I have what I want for the most part, but in the past week I realized I'm developing feelings for the person I'm not supposed to be having feelings for. I've decided if I tell him this I will either never see him again and won't have to worry about it, or, uh, something else will happen? It seems like a win-win situation for me, so I'll speak up in about a week (or at least that's the plan).
Man, I just went into Lauren's room and started procrastinating my procrastination. This is getting out of hand.
Oh! V-day was pretty fucking rad. I got exactly what I wanted: no boyfriend to be fighting with over what happened at a party, no asshole to dump me for not acting happy enough about what he gave me, no one to make elaborate plans for. I had a normal day of classes, then I studied, went swimming, and spent some time with my crush when he got off work. Who's a happy girl? I've been waiting for a descent v-day since Keeney dumped me for God. (I realize he's the supreme being and all, but you really can't talk about football with the guy.)
The future is bright.
I'm really looking forward to this play, and I'm thinking about volunteering for the Northeast sexual crisis center. I'm just trying to find out when I will have time for the 30 hours of training. I think I'm making a lot of friends in my classes, and I'm starting to be able to go places alone. The other day I went grocery shopping all by myself! Now all I want is for the people I care about to cheer up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
 
     

(2 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
paint it black and take it back   
03:28am 31/12/2006
  theredsnymph1289: Well, I mean, what matters is learning, right?
micro x sheep: what matters is connecting with people; something im not good at to begin with and am totally destructive with once i accomplish
theredsnymph1289: You are not.
theredsnymph1289: You hurt someone's feelings...and you're sorry, and you've said so.
theredsnymph1289: You're a much better person than you give yourself credit for being.
micro x sheep: sorry love, im gonna have to disagree with you
theredsnymph1289: You see things better when they're far away.
theredsnymph1289: I'm far away and you're way too close.
micro x sheep: im empty is what i am
theredsnymph1289: How can you say that after all the things you've done for me alone?
micro x sheep: oh but i love you
micro x sheep: its different
theredsnymph1289: That's it then!
theredsnymph1289: You're full of love!
 
     

(scream sayonara)

 
Loose Leaves   
01:00pm 12/12/2006
 
This is good.
Yup, this is just about perfect.

And almost exactly where I want to be.







(Sorry Tracey, Lauren, I can't take ya'll's advice.)

::sigh::
I don't want to leave Athens
 
     

(2 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
Handcuffs   
03:52am 23/11/2006
  I'll forget tonight except for the transitions. I'll forget how unhealthy it is to think of how much I hate him every time I hang up the phone, and forget to ever go over to Mike's house again. Things are the same for me everywhere I go. I try to convince myself that it won't be that way. I try to convince everyone that I know what I want, but I don't. I want Jonathan for years at a time, no wait that's Tyler. Oops. And I'm sick of this Since Yesterday shirt but I have nothing else to wear in Snellville. I'm getting tired of the same conversations over and over, but I feel if I...if we can't get past them we're stuck and if we dont have them then we're just ignoring it. Apathy is enlightenment. Ignorance is close. I just want to go back to not feeling. I want to go back to not getting out of bed. And I don't have any alcohol for Friday unless I talk to Josh which is something I don't want to do. I remember the last night we had a night like that, with my head on his lap. That was nice. I wanted to marry that kid. I tell him he needs to make a decision when I really mean he needs to get out of my life. Tracey says listening to us is like a divorce and Josh says he just wants to see us back together. It's not going to happen. It can't happen. That night I walked out I saw a side of him that hasn't gone away. I know if he's ever nice to me again it's fake. I know he's always going to resent me for what happened with Jenny, but I ask him, "what should I have done?" and he's silent. He's always silent, now. He says he would have called and called and called. He's never called anyone more than three times in a row his entire life. The only thing he would have done different is still have been asserting how much better he is years later, like he is with James. And judging without cause like he did with Robert. I wonder if he won't move in because of Josh. I wouldn't blame him. He comes in and makes these comments that crashes the conversation and causes everyone to glance at each other nervously. I remember when he was on a campaign to make all my friends like him, and how charming he used to be. They tell me how funny and great he is, but they havent seen him in the last month. He's nothing of the sort. Everything he says is sharp and mean, even to people he doesn't know. And you know, I think about it, and I don't know anyone who's charming. As soon as I do . . . until then, everything is just play. That was my decision for this break.  
     

(scream sayonara)

 
   
11:29pm 04/08/2006
  now i can see that things have changed
we've gone our separate ways now
and it's not you and me anymore,
it's not you and me
why can't it be the way it was
when pain was only plastic guns
 
     

(scream sayonara)

 
fallen   
05:31pm 28/05/2006
  My enemies have Fallen.
And all my old, close friends/lovers have moved away.
That was my conclusion today. I took a virtual trip back to Snellville, and when emo kids stop writing in their online journals, you know something's up. It wasn't my first trip back to Snellville. Drama set in as soon as the summer did. Thankfully, I've managed to dodge just about all of it by immersing myself in work. I had to turn down a job the other day because of some misinformation. It was a good one, too, but oh well. I was kind of mad at my mother for a little bit, but when it comes down to it, it's just a job. Lets see, Ali called me and apologized, which I'm willing to accept. I'm not sure if he was sincere or drunk. He called me from his sister's phone, so I'm really not sure what the next move would be. Apparently Shiloh Onstage saw him at Steak n Shake with Lionel after a show. If something like that was still apt to happen, Ali can forget the whole thing...or maybe I should. Josh and I are trying to weed out his porn collection of trashy so that he's left with classy. I found this Asia porn and figured Lionel would like it, so I texted him a message (and I QUOTE): "whats your addy?" so I could mail it to him. He's tried to get in touch with me twice since (with months in between) asking me what I want, because the text apparently wasn't self explanatory enough. Some people are so desperate for attention. Josh and I haven't fought once since we moved in together. He's at work right now and I'm building a canopy bed. I always find it so odd to go to the hardware store. Today one guy told me I was beautiful, these other two guys were whispering about me, and this third guy told me not to kill anyone. How odd, and I have to go back tomorrow. Tracey and Anna had their graduation party, which was fun, but it reminded me how high school parties are. I've never felt awkward at a college party. Now I just want to go into every party and be like, "Where's the dance off?" I'm planning on having a party here once I get completely moved in, but for now I think I'll take a nap.
 
     

(1 scream loud | scream sayonara)

 
Anything at all   
10:02pm 18/03/2006
  Snellville is desperate; full of desperate people lost in false horizons. So, nobody asks why they're here anymore. Everyone has a purpose, there's no question of that. Everyone impacts everyone else, so when one goes missing or remains absent bodies of the living roll over in small-house graves. This place is near impossible to escape. And if you do get out, it sticks to you like tar. No matter how far you go, you're followed and most everyone comes back. You know you're needed, even long after you've been forgotten. For some reason, the stars spelled out SNELLVILLE at your birth and plopped you in the heart of Georgia, probably before you were even old enough to protest. At some point you forget if you were always like this or if the town created you. All you know is that you were meant to be here, and what's the point of questioning fate? Keep you mouth shut unless you're talking about someone else. Because here it's okay to commit acts that might be considered socially unacceptable in other towns. Everyone here is a hydra, who can lie to your face and simultaneously bite you in the back. And it's somehow okay to look like you're doing someone a favor while wishing they didn't exist. Sure, you can drink, you can smoke a lot of weed, you can do drugs, you can sleep around. You can even do all of them at once in a rent-free house in abject poverty and gossip about how terrible everyone else is. Just don't expect the town not to hold it against you...or join you...or both. And if these habits lead to something more violent, say a couple car or house vandalizations, domestic abuse, or a hospitalization or two, you can always chalk it up to your frustration. Yes, aren't you a regular Stanley Kowalski?
Frustration.
Frustration at this small town where everybody's slept with everybody, not to mention shared a needle. Frustration as a cover for the disappointment you felt when you realized that boredom isn't controlled by a controller and a console; the realization that real drama doesn't come in the form of a new release, wrapped in plastic and sealed with impossible stickers. So whats the sin if you take charge of the drama? All you're doing is taking life into your own hands, and if broken hearts and bones are the result of that, well, aren't they asking for it by being in the same Snellvillian position you are? Heartbeats so similar you can't differentiate, minds that tick by the same clock. Aren't you just hurting and empowering parts of yourself? The same parts, desperate for any attention, any pain. Desperate for anything at all.
 
     

(1 scream loud | scream sayonara)

 
   
03:23pm 21/02/2006
  Dear LiveJournal,


Today I mad a peanut butter and jelly burrito.

Then I realized why people don’t typically make peanut butter and jelly burritos.



That is all,
~Lauren
 
     

(2 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
Stranger than Fiction   
02:20pm 02/01/2006
  Did you ever stab someone or cut them intentionally with a sharp object? Yes, but it wasn't meant to hurt them, just to see how they'd react or to get their attention...I guess it happens somewhat frequently.

Do you like asparagus? It's not so bad, but I pretend to hate it sometimes so I have something to complain about.

Do you have a middle name? Carina

Do cats frustrate you as pets, or do you admire their independence? Both. That doesn't mean I don't love them, though.

Did you ever break a guy's nose? Josh Warren, Cathy Donally, and possibly Greg Mann's older brother (Chris).

Would you say you've won more fights than you've lost? Sure, I'd say that, but I think it probably breaks even.

Was there a time you were mystified by the workings of your penis? I don't have one, but they seem pretty straight forward.

Do you look more like your mother or father? father

Did you date an older woman that you'd consider an older woman, and what did she teach you? No.

What's the first image you have of the female body? Not mine. Never mine. Some movie star doing a sex scene or a stripper; someone who has an ideal "female body;" not any body I've ever known, which I think is kind of absurd.

Does the respect factor drop when a woman has breast implants? Yes.

Did you go to sleep-away summer camp? Yes, and I think that everyone should.

Do you like roller coasters? No.

What do you imagine happens to someone after the body dies? I don't. I used to, but then I realized no matter what theory I focused on, or what I imagined, every one of them scared me. I also realized there's only one time I'm going to know, and up until then it's just speculation.

And do you believe that you are a spirit with a body or just a brain? A spirit with a brain and a body.

How do you explain Mozart writing symphonies at seven? How can I attempt to explain someone I never knew?

Did the female anatomy ever mystify and scare you? Yes. It still does.

Have you ever been caught in a natural disaster? Yes, but I was too young to remember it now.

Did you ever own Birkenstocks? No. I wish Tim would come get his. It annoys me when someone blames people they no longer like for their own inability to take responsibility for their actions.

What was your favorite expression growing up? Or was it closer to:
That's so fresh.
That's so bitchin'.
That's so wicked.
That's so rad.
Or, that's so hot.

Closer to that's so rad. It was mostly "cool," like I'm so damn enigmatic that I can express everything I'm feeling in one cliched word. I once referred to something as wicked, and my next door neighbors made fun of me for weeks. It's all so ridiculous in retrospect; as if that term was different from any word they said. It's just funny if you translate that to anything anyone makes fun of now. Even though we're all adults we still act the same.

Did you ever fall in love with an animal in a way where you wished you could talk like human friends. All of my pets and I have pretty good communication. I just take for granted that they know what I'm saying when I talk to them, and for the most part, I don't find evidence to contradict that. Mostly, I just accept them into my heart as they are. I don't ask for more because I know they do everything they can for me while still being themselves. That's how I try to think of people, too, but that tends to be a lot harder.

Do you feel that we are all potentially Christlike? No, but good publicity is nice.

Do you have hope for humanity? And if not, how can you honestly keep going in the face of hopelessness? I have hope for humanity, but I mostly have hope for myself, and how I can help humanity and its habitat. Once you have that, you really don't need to have hope that every person you see is going to do some good. You have a mission and you can focus on that. All that you can really hope is that there are other people out there with their own missions.


Questions by Juliette Lewis
 
     

(1 scream loud | scream sayonara)

 
The WONDERFUL people in my life   
12:43pm 24/11/2005
  It's so much easier for me to hate Brittany (I refuse to spell it in the "I'm a middle school dumb-ass and/or a whore" way) then it ever was to hate Amber. (I'm picturing the eruption in the household at this very moment.) Amber's at least ten times smarter, and it's just so much easier to have respect for someone who can at least form complete sentences when writing. I'm probably being a terrible bitch, but I happen to think when you spend 18+ years immersed in a language, you should at least know how to speak it. Brittany wrote Josh this letter and it made me cringe, being an English major and all. My favorite part was "then you had to go to athens...at 1:30 in the morning!! like it wasnt totally obvious!! laurens completely controlling you. whats up with that??" but like I said, being a bitch. The part that really pisses me off is that she knew Josh and I were together and she went up to him at his house and started rubbing her ass on his crotch. She walked into his room when he was naked, asleep in bed. She trash talks me behind my back after meeting me twice. Can you fathom the complete disrespect and lack of moral character? And what's the only thing I've ever done to her? I tried to find her some food in that abyss of Mike's house, because she came over after work and said she was hungry. Obviously, it was before I knew what she was really like. Anyway, Amber was had. Amber was had in the same way and at the same time I was. I tried to be nice to her. I tried to straighten it out at the time, but apparently it's easier to blame me then the person she has to wake up next to everyday. I've come to terms with that. However, there is one thing that still pisses me off to this day. David came to me the day after I called him, trashed out of my mind, to ask him about his escapades in attempt to help out a very dear friend of mine. He told me that he and Amber had conveniently decided to date just days before, and I believed him. How the fuck did that even happen? If I had just stopped for a moment and thought, instead of throwing glasses at the kid's head...::sigh::
But one must give Brittany credit where credit's due, though. As far as ruining my life (the little she's able to, of course) she's got the market cornered. Be it on purpose, or accidentally, she's kind of fucking things up. Mike and I no longer have a friendship, and you should hear what Josh's mom is saying about me behind my back. Talk about sucking. This relationship was more fun with only two people. It takes the best of my restraint not to call Lionel and ask him if he's interested in a new toy.
 
     

(4 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
Superstar!   
05:18pm 11/11/2005
  So I don't hate Josh, as some of you more avid readers were hoping. There's so much to tell, I don't know where to start. Vampire Lesbians did super well. We oversold two shows and still turned people away. Apparently I did really well, and I'm thinking about getting an internship with a London theater company this summer. Only problem is, that's six weeks not saving money for an apartment. I've noticed that common theme in my life: The only problem with my future is my present. Tonight some of my UGA friends, and some of my Snellville friends, and my beautiful bellwetherly boyfriend are attending Rocky. Many hopes for a good time. The last time I was in Snellville, there was this groovy eating contest, and this rad costume party where I spent the majority of time dancing. At the same time Josh attended a scrabble party with cops. Apparently above this sacred toilet I'm put on the same slut level as Angelina Jolie. (Esquire's sexiest woman alive: who the hell can complain about that?) I gotta learn to start this shit off with a bang, but I think the main problem would be more that I have too many hopes and dreams combating common sense. Oh God, as long as I don't become a drama major. At this point does anyone know what I'm talking about? Sometimes I go outside and there are a bunch of guys sitting on the basketball court with this huge waterbong. It's like, "guys, you're not fooling anybody." Ever have one of those journal entries that just reminds you of people? I've been irate all day. I had to make this website in lab at 8 this morning. Who the hell can work with Java at that time in the morning? Anyway, I screwed up in small ways, then I forgot to validate. Shit. I had a 100 lab average. Whatever. Who cares.  
     

(scream sayonara)

 
   
12:41pm 21/10/2005
  Dear Livejournal,
What is there to say? Well, I didn't get cheated on again like some people who have recently made an entry. Certain parts of my life, right now, are great. As a result, others are flailing. I guess that's to be expected. Either way, I've been working hard. I've been going to classes, doing homework in between, rehearsing Vampire Lesbians and Sleeping Beauty every night from 6:30 to 11 or 12, and lately I've been staying up till about 5am to hang out with Josh. It's been both a long and a short week. On top of that, I got a speeding ticket, and in exchange for not taking my license, the judge slammed me with a $400 fine, 6 months probation, 20 hours of community service, and a defensive driving class. That's a lot, esp. for my first ticket. That's $720 to keep my license. I should have just given it up. Anyway, I need a list of ten people who are giving blood at the Tate Center next week. So far I have Jenny, Josh, Laurel, Joey, and Patrick. THANX SO MUCH GUYS! However, I still need FIVE more people, so if you live in Athens, I really need your help. Anyway, I've been making a whole lot of cool friends in my casts. I'm gonna cry when this thing ends. Hayley invited me to the carnival tonight, and I'm stoaked. I'm dressing up as her character from Sleeping Beauty or Coma for Halloween. She also invited me to the game tomorrow. (Imagine, me being invited to a UGA game.) Tragically, I had to decline. I didn't get a season pass. Kelly also invited me to her Zoobily Zoo party after the Saturday show. That's going to be so awesome. Soon I'm going to have to start staying in Athens, which is just going to add fuel to my reciently dying relationship. I don't know what it is. He's been coming down a lot lately, but it just seems like whenever I call him he doesn't want to talk to me. It's been more of a "fuck you," lately than a "hey baby." Fucking sucks. And it is always me calling him, too. I wanna just never call him again; just forget about him all together, but...jeeze, I'm becoming this boy's bitch. I'd rather shoot myself. I shouldn't be writing this here. He reads this. With the way he is, he's going to read this in like two months, then I'm going to have to deal with all this shit of "why, why, why," months after the problem. Oh well, who cares. Enough venting. Come Sunday, I'm going to be homeless. I need to get off LJ and do this essay, but I think I've gotten my confidence up too high by making an A on every essay I've written this semester. I'm packing to go back to Snellville, and for the first time I don't want to go. I want to hang out with Nicole, but that's about it. I don't really want to ever leave Athens again. Just this dorm. I want to get an apartment either by myself or with someone who talks, and just be happy...or I want to move to the 8th floor. That would be okay, too. I hate mcintosh. I never get to see Lauren, either, except for those random times when she OD's on cheetos or wants to wash her hair in the sink. So I've obviously run out of things to talk about. Oh! Eating Contest Next Friday. Be there or be triangular. (Nobody wants to be triangular.)
 
     

(3 scream louds | scream sayonara)

 
   
01:58am 16/09/2005
  So for those of you who were wondering, things have gotten a lot better since last week, when I drove an hour back home crying the whole way. I took the stage managing job for the next Thalian production which is Vampire Lesbians of Sodom. It's gonna be super-awesome and you should all come...early, too, since apparently they know how to sell out a show. Josh and I went to This is our Youth tonight and people were sitting on the floor. It was a good show, too. Josh came down early today cuz i called him at the beginning of the week and told him I didn't want to see it alone. We spent the whole day together, and it was a lot of fun. Tragically, we got in our first fight tonight, too. Guess what it was over? Hailey. Fucking bitch whore. And no one better criticize me for hating, cause I only allow myself to hate one person at a time, and after tonight it is defiantly her. My roomate's out partying and I have an 8am lab tomorrow and a test. Hmm...who cares? I'm on the pacifier again, and I can't sleep here. I lost a friend this week, too. I'm really sad about it, but he doesn't care. It sucks, because I care about him and I care about the friendship I lost. I think everything I learn to love is destined to end up like that. He'll never read this....Now that I'm all depressed, I think I'll go to bed.  
     

(3 scream louds | scream sayonara)